So once a month or so the entire family here gets together and has dinner. This is a mandate from my mom in order to foster a better sense of family and so everyone can catch up on what is going on.
Today was family day. Unfortunately my niece and her boyfriend showed up as well. My niece has been on the run from her mom and the rest of the family for the last several months and a couple of weeks ago we found out she was pregnant. She is sixteen years old and the father is twenty-two.
This bothers me. My sixteen year old niece takes off because her mom is giving her grief about her behavior (drinking, drugs and sex) and there is all this chaos around it. My sister says that she is going to have her picked up as a runaway and tells the twenty-two year old boyfriend that if she turns up pregnant he will find himself in jail.
Fast forward a couple of months and what happen? My niece is pregnant and the pervert is being accepted as part of the family. My sister is mad at me because I will not speak with my niece and I absolutely refuse to acknowledge her boyfriend. Ended up having a huge fight with her and my younger sister over it which resulted in my apologizing to my parents for the problems I caused and me leaving with my family with great haste.
This is my way of thinking: My niece decided that she was old enough to take off and act like an adult. She burned every bridge she had with the family and thumbed her nose at all of us. She said some pretty nasty things about every one of us and has steadfast refused to listen to anyone. She thinks she is an adult.
So she should be treated like one.
Instead my father has offered to drive her around as needed since she does not have a license or car. My sister is helping her set up access and everything else she needs in order to get the state to assist with the cost of this pregnancy. My family has “lectured” her on her bad behavior but has welcomed her back with open arms as if nothing has happened.
And I am the bad guy because I refused to.
I am sorry but I am not going to accept this pervert as part of our family. At twenty-two years old he had no business what so ever sleeping with a minor and his happy ass should be sitting in jail on statutory rape charges as we speak. My niece has no business being pregnant and becoming part of the faceless masses that continue to drain our economical resources looking for government assistance. Her happy ass should be sitting in a juvenile detention center as a run away.
So the rest of the family is taking the stance of “Oh well it is done we might as well make the best of it”. My mom and dad I can understand since they are not doing anything to enable the bad behavior or the bad example that is being set for the rest of the kids in the family. My sister(s) on the other hand are just showing the other kids that it is OK to run away and then show up months later knocked up and there will be someone to take care of them. Way to go sis, teach your children that no matter what mistakes they make you are going to be there to take care of it for them.
Meanwhile I was lectured and chastised because I expect accountability about the entire situation. Does not matter that I have first hand experience regarding this (My mom held me accountable at the age of 15 and continued to do so until I got my head out of my ass years later, if it was not for her I would be either dead, homeless or in prison right now) and might actually know what I am talking about. In the end my niece is family and I should simply forgive and forget that she has destroyed her life and caused grief for the entire family with her behavior and her decisions.
Oh and I am suppose to warmly and lovingly accept the pedophile as a family member since what is done is done and he is the father of her baby.
So sorry my bad but it is not going to happen that way. If my sisters do not want to talk to me for the rest of their lives they will not bully me into accepting this situation. I don’t care if I am making them feel like bad parents for being accepting of this situation and I damn well do not care if I am making my niece feel bad (I doubt I am, she is a self centered self serving child) in the end it does not change the fact that this situation stinks like week old shitty diapers.
I am an individual and as such have the right to have my own opinions and views on this situation. I am also a parent with a daughter the same age. I get the luxury of developing an opinion and stance on this situation but they do not get the luxury or right to give me shit about how those things develop. Until my oldest sister really started in on me I was happy to keep my mouth shut about it all. This is apparently why she got upset with me in the first place since I would not say “Hello” to my niece when she introduced the pedophile to me.
I am a horrible person for taking the stance of I had nothing nice to say so I said nothing at all.
I love my entire family to death but honestly I am sick to death of my oldest sister getting her panties in a bunch because I refuse to accept her children’s bad behavior (Note: My nephew has actually straightened out his life and has shown a desire to not settle but achieved more out of life) and the impact that bad behavior has on the rest of the family. If she does not like the fact that I actually hold my nieces’ and nephews accountable for their actions she just does not need to say a word about it, I will more than likely keep my mouth shut about it in order to avoid a fight.
I have a feeling that we won’t be having another family day for awhile.
Good for you. I think if you try to talk and all they have to say is “Move on it is in the past.” They have given up. It takes a village to raise a child… We can not give up on them… Once we begin to accept the unacceptable, there is little room to maneuver. If you can not make someone understand that what they are doing is harmful, it may become necessary to let them hurt themselves… Don’t coddle them once they do hurt themselves, let them know it was avoidable and ask them what they have learned… If they have learned nothing you are dealing with someone that will end up sucking the life out of you. So for your own sake, you may have to walk away eventually.
Good luck.