So another year has come and gone. I celebrated my 38th birthday on January 31st. Well I didn’t really celebrate it. I am just so sick of people not listening to me and wondering why I get upset. Last year around my birthday I posted a piece called “Friends Suck” that covered the fact that I am doing miserably at the entire social interaction thing. One of the things that I made a point of bringing up was that for once I would love a party to be thrown for my birthday that was not all about family.
So I took my birthday off this year so I could have a nice relaxing day. My mom called me and wished me a happy birthday. Of course my wife and kids did as well. A couple of people from my website did as well. One of my co-workers gave me home made kimchi and a bottle of wine. My sister apparently dropped of a card on her way to work.
Other than my co-worker no one outside of my family that know me personally called me, IMed me or e-mailed me a happy birthday note. Hell my closest friend in Tucson totally forgot the date and my birthday too. I was hoping that someone outside of my family would throw me some sort of party. Instead absolutely nothing.
Needless to say I am very disenchanted with life in general. I have a bunch of people who at some point or another I attempt to interact with and they sit there silently. I am just another number and/or name in a buddy list or friend’s list. My wife whom I love to death is indifferent. She does not seem to understand my struggles with becoming social. I have spent most of my life as a loner and I am really starting to think that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
I just do not what I need to say or what to do in order to interest people in getting to know me. I “put my hand out” so to speak and make first contact and either it is ignored or I feel like it is being slapped away. People are unresponsive and honestly while I use to think it was just rudeness on the people I was attempting to talk with I really am starting to feel it is my own failings.
So another year older and a bit more lonely. I give up.
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