Unhinged and Unbroken

So I have a semi-unique relationship with my parents. I was a difficult child to deal with (I am pretty sure I had ADD or ADHD) and it was a constant battle with me to try to get me to do right. I ditched school, I was destructive and even at my best I was a pain in the ass. At the age of 15 I dropped out of school and my parents, in an effort to force me back into school, kicked me out with the admonishment that if I was out of school I was out of their house.

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So a couple of you might know this but I have a phobia of two things that have the power to absolutely terrify me.

Spiders and Dentists.

The spider phobia comes and goes but is definitely manageable once I reach down between my legs and grab a pair. The dentist one is not even close to manageable. I walk into a dentist office and immediately start having anxiety attacks start building.

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So a little over three weeks ago I started my new job. This was my break and I was willing to take a pay cut in what I am use to making in order to expand my career. See for the last ten years I have been pigeon holed as a systems administrator. Certain jobs within the IT industry are black holes that are impossible to get out of once you learn them:

Systems Administrator
Network Administrator
Systems Engineer
Network Engineer
Programmer

and a few others. Companies do not want to lose a solid sys admin even to promote them into management since that means that they are going to have to find another sys admin to replace you and contrary to all the people running around with MSCE’s would like you to believe, we are not that easy to replace. I made it harder on myself by being a multi-platformed systems administrator (I could manage Solaris, Linux, HP/UX, Windows, Macintosh and some AIX).

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So once a month or so the entire family here gets together and has dinner. This is a mandate from my mom in order to foster a better sense of family and so everyone can catch up on what is going on.

Today was family day. Unfortunately my niece and her boyfriend showed up as well. My niece has been on the run from her mom and the rest of the family for the last several months and a couple of weeks ago we found out she was pregnant. She is sixteen years old and the father is twenty-two.

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So another year has come and gone. I celebrated my 38^th birthday on January 31^st. Well I didn’t really celebrate it. I am just so sick of people not listening to me and wondering why I get upset. Last year around my birthday I posted a piece called “Friends Suck” that covered the fact that I am doing miserably at the entire social interaction thing. One of the things that I made a point of bringing up was that for once I would love a party to be thrown for my birthday that was not all about family.

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